In this post, you have the option to either meet Caterina in person or leave her an audio or video message. State which you want and I will happily follow your lead.
[His words have shaken her. He can tell that they have. Good. As much as he hates to see her in pain, at least it's something. Better to feel something than nothing. He hates the way she tries to keep a veneer of calm; tries to pass herself off as someone who is above tears and grief and caring.
It reminds him too much of him.
Self-loathing. Yet another thing they have in common.]
Don't get tears, huh? [His gaze upon her is still hard, but there's something lurking in the depths of those brown eyes: sympathy.]
Then how come you cried for me?
[His voice is neutral, surprisingly gentle. It's the first time he's ever let on that he'd seen those tears in her eyes, when he'd reunited with her after their session with Kite. A callous tactic, to be sure, but Wade knows just how to go straight for the heart, and sometimes, cutting deep is the only way to let the poison out.]
[She looks surprised. It's not that Caterina can't imagine he saw that. What surprises her that he actually brought up that one vulnerable moment. Another time she would see through the manipulation. It's a tactic right out of her playbook, after all. Today there's little hope Abel will ever return. It takes all her strength just to endure that.]
... That was different. [She knows it is weak argument as soon as she says it. That doesn't stop Caterina from getting defensive over it.] I thought you were left behind as a mindless husk. I was happy to be wrong.
[He is unimpressed by her defense, and his expression shows it.]
What does it matter if it's different? It happened, didn't it? Abel was your best friend. I'm just some random merc who was literally tossed into your room one day. Why is it so much easier to cry over my well-being and not his? I mean, why can't you just... let go? Just once?
[Wade takes another step forward. His eyes are pleading now.]
Please, Cat. In all these months... I feel like I haven't done anything worthwhile for you yet. [He lets out a desperate, helpless laugh.]
And this is your way to do it? Asking me to fall apart? [Her bitterness turns to anger. She's not certain with who. Is it the ones who brought them here, Abel for dying, and Wade for making her care at all? It's a step up from the more passive emotions she's displayed so far.]
Because that is all that can come from this. Abel remains my most beloved friend dead or alive. I can't cry for a moment and be done with it. I'll be ruined. Is that what anyone needs right now? Another hysteric person unable to deal with the world we have found ourselves in?
You know that's not what I'm asking. You're much stronger than you give yourself credit for, okay?
I'm just saying... maybe we can help each other out. I'm not used to givin' comfort and I sure as hell hate to see a woman cry, but... you asked me to be there for you. A-And I want to. I've already run away from one person when they needed me. I don't want to do that again. And if you fall apart, I'd like to be right down there with you. Because I know how much it hurts right now.
Please, Cat. For Abel's sake. Let me just... do something good for once in my life.
[There's a solid minute where she doesn't know what to say. Caterina is a mess of conflicting emotions. She wants to hold onto that familiar mask that held in everything, but it's undeniably tempted to let go for once when someone was begging her to.
For Abel's sake.... It is what Abel would want, isn't it?]
... Did he tell you how we met? We can't do this properly if you don't know that much. You won't be able to understand.... [how much he means to me.]
[She nods. That was their agreed upon story; it was mostly true.] I was only twelve when we met. It was the worst day of my life.
[She starts to walk away from the apartments. Caterina trusts him to follow. She doesn't think she can sit still while talking about this.] My mother was the Duchess of Milan at the time. She was idealistic and hopelessly romantic. She loved the world and only wished to do what was right for everyone which isn't nearly as popular as one would think. To make a long story short our world is cruel to those who aren't born as normal human beings. A person with a power like yours would never know peace unless someone with great political power shielded them.
[Caterina smiles in a cynical amusement.] Those traits would have been fine though. Her power was limited outside our city so no one would have thought of silencing her. The trouble was she loved a man who could make those things happen; God's messenger on Earth, the assumed leader of the majority of humankind, the Pope. She went so far as to have a child with him who even at a young age was clearly gifted and believed just as her mother did. It became obvious to those who wished to destroy our world in secret that one or perhaps both of them would be a great threat in the near future to their plans.
[Caterina looks uneasy and hugs herself. What she thinks must be a long, dull backstory for Wade has finished. She pushes forward even as her vision blurs.] You can imagine where I am going with this... it was the kind of horror you would expect from this place. They sent a swarm of vampires to our home; a very savage lot of them at that. I watched helplessly as countless guards, my mother's side of the family, and eventually my mother were ripped to pieces among other things which are too terrible to say even here.
[The tears finally fall now at a steady pace. Caterina hardly seems to notice.] She convinced me to run toward the end. The situation was so terrible at that point I knew if nothing else it'd spare her from watching her beloved daughter die. I went to hide in the tomb of the Dark Saint, to appeal to her for protection, ... and I found someone else in there already; Abel. When the vampires finished with my mother and came for me, Abel killed them with ease.
The only thing we knew about each other is that we were both alone and utterly disgusted by what had happened. When we finally spoke he told me, "I have to protect humans. So I saved you." I told him in return, "I have to stop the enemies of mankind. Let's fight together."
From that day forward, we were always together even circumstances kept us physically apart. Everything we did was for the sake of our promise. We didn't want anyone to suffer as we did and yet we ended up in a place where everyone suffers without exception. I alone carry that promise and it's nearly unbearable.
[Wade listens to all of this in silence, keeping pace with her. Though they come from different worlds, her story is all too familiar, and he can feel an old wound in his heart begin to ache as she speaks of her mother; of her unfortunate end.
There are many questions he wants to ask-- questions about Abel and her family and the vampires that had attacked her home, but those can be settled later. Right now there's only one question that's foremost in his mind.]
Twelve. [She carefully wipes her face. Some of her hair had stuck to the wetness. Oddly enough she has the presence of mind to be embarrassed by it.] I was mature for my age.
[That's the part he must wonder about. What normal child could even string together a coherent sentence after that much less make a promise and hold to it for the next decade?]
[Strangely enough, that's a concept that's never crossed his mind. He lets out a breathy sigh, looks up into the slowly lightening sky.]
...I was eleven. Ovarian cancer, the doctors called it, even though I was too young to know what that meant at the time. It was... quick. She never even told us that she had it until...
[He stops, presses his lips tightly together.]
It's not nearly as bad as what you went through, obviously. And I'm not telling you this to get sympathy or to have a pissing contest with angsty backstories or whatever. I... honestly I've only told this story to a few people. I'm telling you this because... I wasn't mature. I couldn't deal with it. I just... shut down, I guess. Maybe if I had a friend like Abel back then, I would've...
[He shakes his head. There's no point in dwelling on could-have-beens. Wade turns to face her.]
You're an amazing woman, Caterina. You might not think you are, but I know a lot of people who've gone through half the things you've gone through and don't even have a quarter of the strength that you have. For what it's worth... I think Abel would've been very proud of you.
[He hesitantly reaches up as if to brush away the lingering tears on her face, but in the end simply lets his hand fall back to her shoulders. His eyes are serious.]
And... look. I know it probably doesn't mean much coming from someone like me, but... if you let me, I'll try my best to be at least half the friend that Abel was for you. That's a promise.
[Her eyes soften. Even if it was a less violent end for his mother, Caterina's heart goes out to him all the same. It's a difficult thing to grow up without a mother's love. He may not want sympathy, but Wade surely has it.
Her eyes are glassy again as she smiles in amusement at that last part. Caterina has an idea of how he sees himself, but it doesn't mesh her view at all. She meets his eyes and tries not to laugh at his choice of words.]
A person like you... Perhaps your work may not be the most noble, but I don't think less of you for it. Your friendship does have great value to me and I could use a friend as half as good as Abel.
[She bites down on her lip for a moment before confessing.] I really don't know how I can manage without him. A person like me isn't made to live in a world like this. I really don't know what's next for me or anyone else.
[The raw, naked look in her eyes compels him to tell the truth.]
I don't know either. Frankly I'm surprised every time I wake up to see another day. But... I'm gonna give you the same promise I gave Abel. Whatever's comin' our way, you won't have to go through it alone. We can be together in this, you 'n me.
I mean, it's the least I can do to pay you back for puttin' up with me, huh?
[His mouth stretches in a grin that is equal parts sheepish and hopeful. It's the type of grin that says, I'm not really all that good at this, but I'm trying. Is it enough?]
"Putting up with you." [Caterina shakes her head and meets his gaze again with a gentle smile. It doesn't compare to what Alec would receive, but that doesn't make it any less kind.]
You really are a silly man. If you're not careful, someone will end up believing that talk someday and think of you as a burden. Fortunately, I am not one of them. It's not nearly as dramatic as the promise I shared with Abel, but I accept. Let's stay together and help each other along for as long as we can.
["A lot of people already do." This is the answer that is on his lips, the answer he refuses to speak for fear of seeming like someone looking for pity. His tone may have been facetious, but the meaning behind them was not. He's just glad Caterina has decided to open up to him, to forgo what would have been an easy decision to isolate herself with her own feelings.
He knows that was what she wanted to do, because it was a desire he had fought against himself. But Abel had taught him that it wasn't good to keep things bottled up inside, and that lesson hasn't exactly left with Abel's death. Deadpool's trying, at least. And what better way to honor Abel's memory than to attempt to comfort one of his dearest friends?
With a gentle smile he raises a hand to her, palm up, wordlessly inviting her to place her own hand in his.]
Thanks, Cat. I'll, uh... I mean, I can walk you back to your room, if you want.
[Caterina gives it with a fond smile. It is the kind of thing Abel would do if he were here. He never did understand the importance of professional distance even when it could get her into trouble. If nothing else, she is allowed to act like a normal woman here without any consequences.]
I would like that. It's not really safe for a young woman to be walking around this time of morning by herself you know. [Caterina smiles teasingly. She appreciates the offer even if she's certain nothing would happen.]
Exactly. I'll be happy to be your knight in shining armor a little bit more before I pass out. Those last two days were a killer, let me tell you.
[Not to mention he's still feeling shooting pains in his stomach. Thankfully he's had much worse injuries, so even an intense bellyache is easy enough to suppress. Kinda perplexing, though-- he doesn't remember eating anything that could warrant that kind of reaction. Better not be an ulcer or something, though he doesn't think ulcers would make a person dizzy.
Slipping his mask back on his head, he walks back with her to the apartment building. The first floor has been more or less cleaned up, but there's still quite a bit of mess, and he gently guides her through the debris and up the stairs. All too soon they're at Caterina's apartment.]
Well, here we are. Try to get some sleep, okay Cat? You look all in.
[The pot's calling the kettle black, certainly. And he still hasn't let go of her hand.]
[Caterina notices that much and doesn't hesitate to call him out on it. It's in a good nature manner at least.]
Says the man who was sick not too long ago. You really should care a little more about yourself. [A beat before she asks mildly,] If I were to ask you to take care of yourself at least for today, would you? I'd rest a little easier if I didn't have to worry about your health.
Would you bring me soup if I say yes? Think I might be able to shake off... whatever the hell this is... faster if I had a beautiful woman hovering over me. Healing properties and all that, y'know.
[Caterina lets out a soft laugh.] While I'm glad your ability to charm hasn't been diminished, I'd likely kill you or myself with anything I attempted to cook.
[Deadpool nods again, already feeling weariness sink into his shoulders. He gives her an encouraging smile.]
I should be fine after some shuteye. Nothin' eight or nine hours of sleep won't fix, I'm sure. Oh, and uh... thanks, Cat. For... y'know. Letting me in like that.
It's... [Nothing? No, they both know that's a lie.] You're welcome. [She hesitates a moment before adding guiltily.] I apologize if I caused you any pain earlier. That couldn't be any further from my intentions toward you.
[That random, ridiculous urge to kiss her rears its ugly head again, and it's a lot harder to suppress it this time. He wants to believe that it's purely out of a need to comfort her, but it isn't just that. He's still hurting, still so numb over Abel's death that he wants to lose himself in something, something that isn't violence and hatred and his own bitter self-loathing.
But he's too cowardly, too frightened of her rejection to even make a move like that. Well, okay-- he also hasn't brushed his teeth yet. Common courtesy. Instead he merely places his hands on her shoulders; looks into her eyes with that same indomitable smile.]
Don't worry, Cat. You can't hurt me. I'm practically indestructible, remember? [He chuckles. It sounds embarrassingly hollow, and eventually he lets it die. His eyes are serious now; contrite.]
I'm... sorry if I hurt you, though. I just... needed to talk to someone. Pretty selfish of me, I know. You don't have to talk to me if you don't want to. I just thought that... [He trails off, unsure of how to even finish that sentence.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
oh god that's better and yet somehow worse
It reminds him too much of him.
Self-loathing. Yet another thing they have in common.]
Don't get tears, huh? [His gaze upon her is still hard, but there's something lurking in the depths of those brown eyes: sympathy.]
Then how come you cried for me?
[His voice is neutral, surprisingly gentle. It's the first time he's ever let on that he'd seen those tears in her eyes, when he'd reunited with her after their session with Kite. A callous tactic, to be sure, but Wade knows just how to go straight for the heart, and sometimes, cutting deep is the only way to let the poison out.]
no subject
... That was different. [She knows it is weak argument as soon as she says it. That doesn't stop Caterina from getting defensive over it.] I thought you were left behind as a mindless husk. I was happy to be wrong.
no subject
What does it matter if it's different? It happened, didn't it? Abel was your best friend. I'm just some random merc who was literally tossed into your room one day. Why is it so much easier to cry over my well-being and not his? I mean, why can't you just... let go? Just once?
[Wade takes another step forward. His eyes are pleading now.]
Please, Cat. In all these months... I feel like I haven't done anything worthwhile for you yet. [He lets out a desperate, helpless laugh.]
no subject
Because that is all that can come from this. Abel remains my most beloved friend dead or alive. I can't cry for a moment and be done with it. I'll be ruined. Is that what anyone needs right now? Another hysteric person unable to deal with the world we have found ourselves in?
no subject
You know that's not what I'm asking. You're much stronger than you give yourself credit for, okay?
I'm just saying... maybe we can help each other out. I'm not used to givin' comfort and I sure as hell hate to see a woman cry, but... you asked me to be there for you. A-And I want to. I've already run away from one person when they needed me. I don't want to do that again. And if you fall apart, I'd like to be right down there with you. Because I know how much it hurts right now.
Please, Cat. For Abel's sake. Let me just... do something good for once in my life.
no subject
For Abel's sake.... It is what Abel would want, isn't it?]
... Did he tell you how we met? We can't do this properly if you don't know that much. You won't be able to understand.... [how much he means to me.]
no subject
I don't think he ever mentioned it. I only know that you were childhood friends.
no subject
[She starts to walk away from the apartments. Caterina trusts him to follow. She doesn't think she can sit still while talking about this.] My mother was the Duchess of Milan at the time. She was idealistic and hopelessly romantic. She loved the world and only wished to do what was right for everyone which isn't nearly as popular as one would think. To make a long story short our world is cruel to those who aren't born as normal human beings. A person with a power like yours would never know peace unless someone with great political power shielded them.
[Caterina smiles in a cynical amusement.] Those traits would have been fine though. Her power was limited outside our city so no one would have thought of silencing her. The trouble was she loved a man who could make those things happen; God's messenger on Earth, the assumed leader of the majority of humankind, the Pope. She went so far as to have a child with him who even at a young age was clearly gifted and believed just as her mother did. It became obvious to those who wished to destroy our world in secret that one or perhaps both of them would be a great threat in the near future to their plans.
[Caterina looks uneasy and hugs herself. What she thinks must be a long, dull backstory for Wade has finished. She pushes forward even as her vision blurs.] You can imagine where I am going with this... it was the kind of horror you would expect from this place. They sent a swarm of vampires to our home; a very savage lot of them at that. I watched helplessly as countless guards, my mother's side of the family, and eventually my mother were ripped to pieces among other things which are too terrible to say even here.
[The tears finally fall now at a steady pace. Caterina hardly seems to notice.] She convinced me to run toward the end. The situation was so terrible at that point I knew if nothing else it'd spare her from watching her beloved daughter die. I went to hide in the tomb of the Dark Saint, to appeal to her for protection, ... and I found someone else in there already; Abel. When the vampires finished with my mother and came for me, Abel killed them with ease.
The only thing we knew about each other is that we were both alone and utterly disgusted by what had happened. When we finally spoke he told me, "I have to protect humans. So I saved you." I told him in return, "I have to stop the enemies of mankind. Let's fight together."
From that day forward, we were always together even circumstances kept us physically apart. Everything we did was for the sake of our promise. We didn't want anyone to suffer as we did and yet we ended up in a place where everyone suffers without exception. I alone carry that promise and it's nearly unbearable.
no subject
There are many questions he wants to ask-- questions about Abel and her family and the vampires that had attacked her home, but those can be settled later. Right now there's only one question that's foremost in his mind.]
How old were you?
no subject
[That's the part he must wonder about. What normal child could even string together a coherent sentence after that much less make a promise and hold to it for the next decade?]
no subject
...I was eleven. Ovarian cancer, the doctors called it, even though I was too young to know what that meant at the time. It was... quick. She never even told us that she had it until...
[He stops, presses his lips tightly together.]
It's not nearly as bad as what you went through, obviously. And I'm not telling you this to get sympathy or to have a pissing contest with angsty backstories or whatever. I... honestly I've only told this story to a few people. I'm telling you this because... I wasn't mature. I couldn't deal with it. I just... shut down, I guess. Maybe if I had a friend like Abel back then, I would've...
[He shakes his head. There's no point in dwelling on could-have-beens. Wade turns to face her.]
You're an amazing woman, Caterina. You might not think you are, but I know a lot of people who've gone through half the things you've gone through and don't even have a quarter of the strength that you have. For what it's worth... I think Abel would've been very proud of you.
[He hesitantly reaches up as if to brush away the lingering tears on her face, but in the end simply lets his hand fall back to her shoulders. His eyes are serious.]
And... look. I know it probably doesn't mean much coming from someone like me, but... if you let me, I'll try my best to be at least half the friend that Abel was for you. That's a promise.
no subject
Her eyes are glassy again as she smiles in amusement at that last part. Caterina has an idea of how he sees himself, but it doesn't mesh her view at all. She meets his eyes and tries not to laugh at his choice of words.]
A person like you... Perhaps your work may not be the most noble, but I don't think less of you for it. Your friendship does have great value to me and I could use a friend as half as good as Abel.
[She bites down on her lip for a moment before confessing.] I really don't know how I can manage without him. A person like me isn't made to live in a world like this. I really don't know what's next for me or anyone else.
no subject
I don't know either. Frankly I'm surprised every time I wake up to see another day. But... I'm gonna give you the same promise I gave Abel. Whatever's comin' our way, you won't have to go through it alone. We can be together in this, you 'n me.
I mean, it's the least I can do to pay you back for puttin' up with me, huh?
[His mouth stretches in a grin that is equal parts sheepish and hopeful. It's the type of grin that says, I'm not really all that good at this, but I'm trying. Is it enough?]
no subject
You really are a silly man. If you're not careful, someone will end up believing that talk someday and think of you as a burden. Fortunately, I am not one of them. It's not nearly as dramatic as the promise I shared with Abel, but I accept. Let's stay together and help each other along for as long as we can.
no subject
He knows that was what she wanted to do, because it was a desire he had fought against himself. But Abel had taught him that it wasn't good to keep things bottled up inside, and that lesson hasn't exactly left with Abel's death. Deadpool's trying, at least. And what better way to honor Abel's memory than to attempt to comfort one of his dearest friends?
With a gentle smile he raises a hand to her, palm up, wordlessly inviting her to place her own hand in his.]
Thanks, Cat. I'll, uh... I mean, I can walk you back to your room, if you want.
no subject
I would like that. It's not really safe for a young woman to be walking around this time of morning by herself you know. [Caterina smiles teasingly. She appreciates the offer even if she's certain nothing would happen.]
no subject
[Not to mention he's still feeling shooting pains in his stomach. Thankfully he's had much worse injuries, so even an intense bellyache is easy enough to suppress. Kinda perplexing, though-- he doesn't remember eating anything that could warrant that kind of reaction. Better not be an ulcer or something, though he doesn't think ulcers would make a person dizzy.
Slipping his mask back on his head, he walks back with her to the apartment building. The first floor has been more or less cleaned up, but there's still quite a bit of mess, and he gently guides her through the debris and up the stairs. All too soon they're at Caterina's apartment.]
Well, here we are. Try to get some sleep, okay Cat? You look all in.
[The pot's calling the kettle black, certainly. And he still hasn't let go of her hand.]
no subject
Says the man who was sick not too long ago. You really should care a little more about yourself. [A beat before she asks mildly,] If I were to ask you to take care of yourself at least for today, would you? I'd rest a little easier if I didn't have to worry about your health.
no subject
Would you bring me soup if I say yes? Think I might be able to shake off... whatever the hell this is... faster if I had a beautiful woman hovering over me. Healing properties and all that, y'know.
no subject
no subject
[But he concedes her point with a short nod of his head.]
How about just the pleasure of your company, then? Once you get some sleep, of course.
no subject
no subject
I should be fine after some shuteye. Nothin' eight or nine hours of sleep won't fix, I'm sure. Oh, and uh... thanks, Cat. For... y'know. Letting me in like that.
no subject
no subject
[That random, ridiculous urge to kiss her rears its ugly head again, and it's a lot harder to suppress it this time. He wants to believe that it's purely out of a need to comfort her, but it isn't just that. He's still hurting, still so numb over Abel's death that he wants to lose himself in something, something that isn't violence and hatred and his own bitter self-loathing.
But he's too cowardly, too frightened of her rejection to even make a move like that.
Well, okay-- he also hasn't brushed his teeth yet. Common courtesy.Instead he merely places his hands on her shoulders; looks into her eyes with that same indomitable smile.]Don't worry, Cat. You can't hurt me. I'm practically indestructible, remember? [He chuckles. It sounds embarrassingly hollow, and eventually he lets it die. His eyes are serious now; contrite.]
I'm... sorry if I hurt you, though. I just... needed to talk to someone. Pretty selfish of me, I know. You don't have to talk to me if you don't want to. I just thought that... [He trails off, unsure of how to even finish that sentence.]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)